Of Friendship by Michel de Montaigne
Of Friendship by Michel de Montaigne
Short Essay
Introduction:
Michel de Montaigne’s essay Of Friendship talks about the deep bond between true friends. He explains how friendship is a free exchange between two people, not based on duty, comfort, or benefit. His thoughts come from his own friendship with Etienne de La Boétie.
A Deep and Irreplaceable Friendship
Montaigne met La Boétie as an adult, not in childhood. Their friendship lasted only four years, but it changed Montaigne’s life. When La Boétie died, Montaigne felt like he had lost part of his soul. He called it an irreplaceable loss. He said, “If you press me to say why I loved him, I can say no more than because he was he, and I was I.”
True Friendship is Rare and Pure
Montaigne believed true friendship was rare. He said true friends are scarce, unique, and loyal. It allows people to share their emotions freely and deeply. Montaigne said, “Friendship is a creature formed for companionship, not for a herd.”
Family Bonds vs Chosen Friendship
Family relationships are based on birth, duty, or emotion. They often include respect and rules, but lack equality and choice. Montaigne believed that true friendship is freely chosen, equal, and based on the soul.
Conclusion
Montaigne shows that true friendship is rare and spiritual. It is a deep, loyal, and equal connection between two souls.
Of Friendship by Michel de Montaigne in Tamil @Banumathi K's Literature Insights 👇
Of Friendship by Michel de Montaigne
Detailed Essay
Introduction
Michel de Montaigne, a French essayist and philosopher, is widely regarded as the father of the essay. As one of the most influential thinkers of the 16th century, Montaigne played a key role in the development of early modern philosophy. His essay Of Friendship explores the idea of true friendship and what sets it apart from ordinary relationships. He writes about friendship not only as a concept but as a personal experience, mainly focusing on his deep bond with his closest friend Etienne de La Boétie.
Etienne de La Boétie: A Unique Bond
Montaigne had only one proper friend, Etienne de La Boétie. Their friendship lasted just four years, but it had a lifelong impact. They were not childhood friends, but met in adulthood and instantly connected. The death of La Boétie caused Montaigne deep pain. He felt this loss as the death of his soulmate—an irreplaceable loss. He believed he could never find a substitute, because such a true friend was extremely rare. Their bond was emotional, intellectual, and spiritual.
Montaigne’s View: A Friendship of Virtue
For Montaigne, true friendship was based on virtue and mutual respect. He said that friendship was a free exchange between two people, without any force or need. It was a kind of spiritual practice, where both friends could share their thoughts, secrets, and emotions without fear. Montaigne believed this kind of friendship was very rare, and not based on convenience or personal gain.
Ordinary Friendship vs True Friendship
Most people in life only form acquaintanceship or familiarities. These relationships are often built on chance, need, or comfort, like meeting someone at work or in a neighborhood. Montaigne said such friendships may feel nice, but they are not deep. True friendship, in contrast, is pure and deep. It is about trust, love, and loyalty, not about what we can get from each other.
Friendships Based on Personal Gain Are Shallow
Montaigne also warned about friendships that are based only on benefits like money, power, or social status. He said these types of friendships are weak and temporary, because when the gain is gone, so is the friendship. He believed that real friendship does not depend on what a person has, but on who they are.
Limits of Family Bonds
Montaigne believed that parents and children cannot be true friends. There is too much inequality in that relationship. A child must always respect and obey a parent, and a parent often feels authority over a child. In some countries, he pointed out, fathers have killed their children and children have killed their fathers. This shows that true friendship, which needs love and equality, cannot exist in such relationships.
Even between brothers, sisters, or other relatives, people are born into the bond. They do not choose it. Montaigne says true friendship is chosen, not fixed by birth. A person must have freedom to choose, change, and communicate in a friendship, which is not always possible in family relationships.
Spouses and the Limits of Marriage
Montaigne also spoke about spouses, especially women, and said that romantic love is often like a burning flame, full of passion and emotions. But true friendship is like a warm glow that lasts longer and stays calm. He believed that most marriages are based on physical or emotional needs, and not on soul-level connection. In his opinion, friendship is deeper than love in most marriages.
True Friends: Rare and Loyal
True friends are scarce, unique, and loyal. Montaigne asked us to imagine:
"If you have two true friends and they both need help at the same time, how will you manage?"
This shows how difficult it is to have more than one true friend. Conflicting favours like this can test our priorities and our sense of loyalty. Montaigne believed it’s rare to find even one such friend in a lifetime.
Friendship and the Big Questions of Life
For Montaigne, friendship was not just a small part of life — it was linked to everything, including the universe, God, and even death. He reflected on how we live, when and how we die, and how everything is connected. True friendship, to him, was a central part of being human. It helped people to understand themselves and others better. He saw friendship as a form of relationality, a way we connect with the world.
A Creature Formed for Companionship
Montaigne beautifully wrote that:
“Friendship is a creature formed for a companionship, not for a herd.”
This means that friendship is not meant for large groups, but for deep, one-on-one connections. True friendship is about knowing and loving a person for who they are — not as part of a crowd, but as a unique individual.
The Soul of Friendship: A Famous Quote
Montaigne’s most famous quote from this essay is: “If you press me to say why I loved him, I can say no more than because he was he, and I was I.” This means he loved his friend for no specific reason — not for his looks, his talents, or any benefit. He loved him simply because of who he was. Their friendship was pure and honest, without expectations or reasons.
Montaigne’s Friend Was Like a Mirror
In the essay, Montaigne also described his friend La Boétie as a kind of mirror of his own soul. He felt they were so similar in thought and spirit, that they understood each other without speaking. Their bond was not just emotional, but deeply intellectual, where one could see himself in the other. This kind of understanding, he believed, is very rare and precious.
He Uses Classical Examples
To support his ideas, Montaigne gave examples from ancient writers and philosophers like Cicero and Aristotle. These examples showed that even great minds from the past had spoken about the importance and value of true friendship. This helped Montaigne show that his thoughts were both personal and philosophical.
Aristotle vs Montaigne: A Comparison
Aristotle, a great Greek philosopher, discussed friendship in his work Nicomachean Ethics. He described three types of friendship:
1. Friendship of pleasure – based on enjoyment, like having fun together.
2. Friendship of utility – based on benefit, like business partnerships.
3. Friendship of virtue – the highest form, based on goodness and mutual respect.
Aristotle said that true friends are like “one soul in two bodies.” Montaigne agreed with this idea of deep connection, especially in his bond with La Boétie. But Montaigne focused more on personal experience, while Aristotle gave a theoretical classification. Both valued virtue-based friendship, but Montaigne’s view was more emotional and spiritual, based on love and choice.
Conclusion
Montaigne’s Of Friendship is a powerful and personal reflection on one of life’s deepest human connections. He clearly explains the difference between ordinary relationships and true friendship, using his own experience with Etienne de La Boétie as a living example. By comparing friendship with family, marriage, and acquaintanceship, and also bringing in ideas from Aristotle, he proves that true friendship is rare, spiritual, and chosen freely. He reminds us that friendship is not about gain, duty, or passion, but about souls uniting without reason. In the end, true friendship is not about why we love someone — but because they are they, and we are we.
Of Friendship by Michel de Montaigne in Tamil @Banumathi K's Literature Insights 👇
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